Last weekend, I attended the wedding of two of my good friends from high school. The ceremony was beautiful in so many ways, and I am so glad for both of them. Afterwards, I was at the reception, where I spent time with many people there who I knew from high school. Since I was there alone, I ended up getting to catch up with all of them throughout the evening. At the end of the night, I started a conversation with a friend with whom I had a lot of classes in high school, but I haven’t seen since graduation. He recently moved to a new city for his job, so he’s in a similar situation to what mine in Germany will be, and we talked about it a little. Neither of us is particularly outgoing, so while moving may be exciting, it also means having to put ourselves out of our comfort zone to meet people. I can’t speak for him, but I don’t really mind spending time alone; however, it’s nice to have some friendly people around when I’m away from my family. The problem is finding them.
We agreed that making friends was easier (relatively...friendship is never easy) in high school. Until I left school, I never thought about how hard it can be to meet people when you don’t have chances to interact with others in classes or in a dorm-type setting. Making friends has been something that has been weighing on my mind lately, and it was reassuring to know that my college roommate and I are not the only ones who have been feeling this way. This summer, I’ve been working on my “people meeting skills,” so I’m excited to be a little more confident about being outgoing enough to meet some people my age in Germany. That being said, working through all of this for myself has made me all the more thankful for the friends I already have because finding friends who stick with you through it all is so rare. I just want to take a minute to let all of my friends know how much I do appreciate them. I’m looking forward to continuing to grow together, even though our lives may lead us far away from each other.
It was pretty much the end of the night by the time my friend and I started talking, and when the DJ announced the last song, he (my friend) asked me if I would like to dance with him. It was unexpected and struck me as very thoughtful of him, which meant a lot to me after coming to the wedding by myself. As we were dancing, I realized how much all of us have grown up through college. Four years ago, my friendships were limited by how much I was capable of letting people in, which meant I missed out on some friendships that I’m now open to having. Until I learned more about who I am, I wasn’t ready to have those friendships, or at least not certain aspects of them. Part of growing up is becoming who we always have been inside, so I’m sure I’m not the only one who has experienced this. The really great thing is that friendships from so long ago can change to take on who we are now because there is already a strong base of common experience upon which to build. I want that to happen, so I hope that you’ll take the time to get to know me again, and I’ll do the same for you. Even though so much is different now, some things aren’t and never will be. One of those things is how we’ve been lucky enough to have each other...then and now.
Deine,
N*
The adventures of an English teaching assistant working and living in Saxony-Anhalt, Germany.
Saturday, July 31, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Limbo Land
I’ve been putting off writing for awhile because I’m feeling a little unsettled. The point of the summer has come where I have to focus on the future instead of living in the moment. Ever since college started, I haven’t stayed in one place for more than three months at a time. This constant impermanence in my life has gradually taken a larger toll on me as my desire to be home and to stay in one place has grown. This time, it’s even more difficult because my time away from home will significantly eclipse the amount of time I’ll be at home. I know it’s going to be alright; I never would’ve chosen this if I had doubts about that. It’s just the transition period that gets to me...the waiting.
Up until last week, it was easy for Germany not to seem real because there are so many unknowns. Now that it’s hitting me that I only have a month and a half left at home, the clock has started ticking in my mind. There’s so much that I need to accomplish before I leave, and thinking about leaving my family hurts too much to even contemplate. All I can really do is try to make the most of the time I have now. The good news is that getting started is the hardest part for me. Instigating and handling change is a personal challenge for me, but at least once I accept that change is inevitable, I do adapt to new situations quickly. Next year has so many exciting possibilities that once it starts, I’ll be open to taking life as it comes.
So, the really great news that brought on these musings: My host teacher, H, thinks she’s found a place for me to live! A colleague of hers has an apartment on a separate floor of her house that she’s looking to rent. I’ll have my own bedroom, kitchen and bathroom, and it’s super-affordable (a quality that is not easy to come by in apartments in Germany). It’s between H’s house and the school where I’ll be working, so getting to either one will be no problem. I also like the idea that I will not be alone in an apartment complex, and that H knows the family also makes me feel comfortable, since she’s someone who I trust. It’s almost too good to be true. Keep your fingers crossed that it all works out!
Deine,
N*
Up until last week, it was easy for Germany not to seem real because there are so many unknowns. Now that it’s hitting me that I only have a month and a half left at home, the clock has started ticking in my mind. There’s so much that I need to accomplish before I leave, and thinking about leaving my family hurts too much to even contemplate. All I can really do is try to make the most of the time I have now. The good news is that getting started is the hardest part for me. Instigating and handling change is a personal challenge for me, but at least once I accept that change is inevitable, I do adapt to new situations quickly. Next year has so many exciting possibilities that once it starts, I’ll be open to taking life as it comes.
So, the really great news that brought on these musings: My host teacher, H, thinks she’s found a place for me to live! A colleague of hers has an apartment on a separate floor of her house that she’s looking to rent. I’ll have my own bedroom, kitchen and bathroom, and it’s super-affordable (a quality that is not easy to come by in apartments in Germany). It’s between H’s house and the school where I’ll be working, so getting to either one will be no problem. I also like the idea that I will not be alone in an apartment complex, and that H knows the family also makes me feel comfortable, since she’s someone who I trust. It’s almost too good to be true. Keep your fingers crossed that it all works out!
Deine,
N*
Monday, July 5, 2010
Bring the Fire
It often happens to me that the things I swear I will NEVER do are what I end up enjoying. I claimed I would never play in an orchestra, go to the high school I graduated from, or go to school in the South, yet all of those things came to be in my life and were positive experiences that became very important to me. I should know by now not to make blanket “never” statements because they seem to play into the destiny of my life, and in my usual fashion, it’s happened again.
When I was younger, I decided I was never going to be a teacher. I also never thought I’d work with middle and high school students, but both of those things will become part of my reality in about two months. Of course, I’m at a point where I’ve had to eat my words because working as a teaching assistant is something I’ve wanted more than anything else for the past year, and I’m excited. Honestly, I’m also scared out of my mind. Since I’m technically a teaching assistant, it’s not like I’ve been training for this. It’s just me, and the experiences that made me pursue this opportunity in the first place, getting thrown off the deep end. That’s actually alright with me because I think sometimes the best way to learn is to do. I’m prepared to learn as I go, and even though mistakes are inevitable, what’s more important is how I deal with them.
In the last week, I’ve been lucky enough to discuss teaching with two people who shaped my high school experience positively. They both gave me welcome words of advice. The first was simple but so important: Start by learning all of your students’ names and something about them. If your students feel like you are really interested in them, they are more likely to invest in you. You have to make yourself accessible and make that connection to reach them. This ties into the other piece of advice nicely: You have to carry the passion for what you are teaching in you and figure out how you can help students understand why they too want to carry that passion. This is what I call “bringing the fire.” If you don’t like or don’t care about what you do, the students will know. It’s crucial to success that you come into class with a spark. It doesn’t matter how technically well you understand teaching methods if there’s not soul to back it up. The teachers I have admired the most have all had a passionate drive and that is what allows them to relate to and motivate their students to succeed. They want every student to understand why they love what they teach and so they go out of their way to make themselves relevant to even the most resistant students. This is the kind of teacher I want to be. The more you put in, the more you get out.
Deine,
N*
When I was younger, I decided I was never going to be a teacher. I also never thought I’d work with middle and high school students, but both of those things will become part of my reality in about two months. Of course, I’m at a point where I’ve had to eat my words because working as a teaching assistant is something I’ve wanted more than anything else for the past year, and I’m excited. Honestly, I’m also scared out of my mind. Since I’m technically a teaching assistant, it’s not like I’ve been training for this. It’s just me, and the experiences that made me pursue this opportunity in the first place, getting thrown off the deep end. That’s actually alright with me because I think sometimes the best way to learn is to do. I’m prepared to learn as I go, and even though mistakes are inevitable, what’s more important is how I deal with them.
In the last week, I’ve been lucky enough to discuss teaching with two people who shaped my high school experience positively. They both gave me welcome words of advice. The first was simple but so important: Start by learning all of your students’ names and something about them. If your students feel like you are really interested in them, they are more likely to invest in you. You have to make yourself accessible and make that connection to reach them. This ties into the other piece of advice nicely: You have to carry the passion for what you are teaching in you and figure out how you can help students understand why they too want to carry that passion. This is what I call “bringing the fire.” If you don’t like or don’t care about what you do, the students will know. It’s crucial to success that you come into class with a spark. It doesn’t matter how technically well you understand teaching methods if there’s not soul to back it up. The teachers I have admired the most have all had a passionate drive and that is what allows them to relate to and motivate their students to succeed. They want every student to understand why they love what they teach and so they go out of their way to make themselves relevant to even the most resistant students. This is the kind of teacher I want to be. The more you put in, the more you get out.
Deine,
N*
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Let it Snow!
Don’t let the title fool you, summer is in full swing here. 98 degree days without AC (and thankfully also without too much humidity) are plenty hot enough for me. Of course, despite the heat wave, my knitting is anticipating the winter season. After four years in South Carolina, I’m thrilled to be preparing for a real winter, complete with real snow and maybe even some subzero temperatures. I haven’t been completely devoid of winter, since I spent all my breaks at home, but it’s just not the same. I like living where there are four distinct seasons, and some of the cutest knits are only appropriate somewhere where the temperature actually stays below freezing consistently.
Coincidentally, I received some yarn perfect for winter wear just when my urge to do some winter knitting kicked in. I knitted on pair of socks and there was still half a skein remaining, so I worked a pair of cabled, fingerless gloves. I’ve never knitted cables (or gloves for that matter) before, but they were a quick and easy knit. In addition to these two recent conquests, I rediscovered an old project that I’ve never gotten to wear due to said stint in mild weather. Maybe I’ll actually have occasion to wear this shawl in the next year.
Since winter is in my fingertips, I’m contemplating a new scarf (to match the work coat I don’t have yet) and maybe even a cardigan (since I’ve been looking for one since last year and haven’t found one that was just right). I’ve never knitted a sweater before, but I think I’m up for the challenge. Somehow this will all have to happen in between the several pairs of gift socks I’m working on at the moment, but it’ll all work out. I rarely keep what I knit, so some selfish projects will be a nice treat.
It’s not often that I get the chance to be this knitty, so I’m embracing it. If you have any awesome ideas about what I should work on in the future, please enable me, believe me, I appreciate it.
Deine,
N*
Monday, June 21, 2010
A Much-Anticipated Arrival
The letter with my school placement for next year is finally here! I am officially going to Dessau! I’ve spent time in the last two summers in Dessau, so at least if many aspects of next year are still TBD, I can count on knowing and liking the city that will be my home for ten months. Not to mention the fact that it will be nice to the have help of my former host family, as well as the English teacher I know from the school where I will be working, in getting settled.
If you are curious about Dessau, you can take a look at their website (http://www.dessau.de/), but I’ll leave you with a few of my impressions about the city as well. Dessau (technically Dessau-Roßlau since 2007) is about an hour-and-a-half southwest of Berlin in state of Saxony-Anhalt, which was a part of former East Germany. Dessau is comparable in size and climate to the city where I am from, with the main difference being that the former is shrinking and the latter is growing. There are three main things for which Dessau is well-known:
1. It was the location of the Bauhaus (artistic/architectural style, which can be seen throughout certain areas of the town) school of architecture for some years, and Wassily Kandinsky had a master-house there.
2. Dessau was the location where Junkers (aircrafts most well-known for their use in World War II) were manufactured. Because of the city’s emphasis on the manufacturing industries and its importance to the war, most of the city was destroyed by bombs. Some of the structures in the city have been rebuilt since German reunification, but the structures built at the end of the war are the cement-block type buildings typical of the Soviet Union.
3. Wörlitz, a park with a castle and large grounds is located just outside of Dessau. This park is open to the public, and along with several other parks, castles and English gardens, it is now a part of the Garden Kingdom of Dessau-Wörlitz, a UNESCO world heritage site.
These are just a few examples of the cultural diversity and rich history of the city where I will be staying. Living there, I’m sure will allow me to discover even more. This is just a glimpse of the land and people I find so fascinating.
Deine,
N*
If you are curious about Dessau, you can take a look at their website (http://www.dessau.de/), but I’ll leave you with a few of my impressions about the city as well. Dessau (technically Dessau-Roßlau since 2007) is about an hour-and-a-half southwest of Berlin in state of Saxony-Anhalt, which was a part of former East Germany. Dessau is comparable in size and climate to the city where I am from, with the main difference being that the former is shrinking and the latter is growing. There are three main things for which Dessau is well-known:
1. It was the location of the Bauhaus (artistic/architectural style, which can be seen throughout certain areas of the town) school of architecture for some years, and Wassily Kandinsky had a master-house there.
2. Dessau was the location where Junkers (aircrafts most well-known for their use in World War II) were manufactured. Because of the city’s emphasis on the manufacturing industries and its importance to the war, most of the city was destroyed by bombs. Some of the structures in the city have been rebuilt since German reunification, but the structures built at the end of the war are the cement-block type buildings typical of the Soviet Union.
3. Wörlitz, a park with a castle and large grounds is located just outside of Dessau. This park is open to the public, and along with several other parks, castles and English gardens, it is now a part of the Garden Kingdom of Dessau-Wörlitz, a UNESCO world heritage site.
These are just a few examples of the cultural diversity and rich history of the city where I will be staying. Living there, I’m sure will allow me to discover even more. This is just a glimpse of the land and people I find so fascinating.
Deine,
N*
Friday, June 18, 2010
Out of My Comfort Zone
If you are at all familiar with my personality, you know or could guess that I am not a fan of new experiences. Well, it’s not so much the experiences themselves that I dislike, rather the idea that I will be doing something that’s out of my comfort zone. If I already know someone at or bring a friend to said events, that’s not as bad, and I can usually persuade myself to go through with trying a new activity. That’s great, but I’m sad to report that when it comes to trying new things alone, I’ve failed utterly up until this point. And for that, I’m disappointed in myself because a couple of weeks ago, I realized that even though I’ve lived in the same town for my entire life, I’m not involved in groups for activities I enjoy anymore because I no longer have high school as an easy way to access them. I thought to myself, “Gee, N*, what if you’re really missing out?” and then I though, “What if you really miss out while you’re in Germany because you choose the easy path?” (i.e. enjoying my own company at home – something I happen to be very adept at and also enjoy as a general rule) No. No. Definitely not. Living in Germany is not like living in the U.S., so that means I’m going to have to live, and I’m going to have to make that happen myself. Oh boy.
Since my summer has already taken several unexpected turns, and I’m not going to be able to lean on what I know anymore, I decided that the “living” needs to start here...and pronto. I mean, if I feel out-of-practice and a little (lottle) intimidated by trying something new here, then just imagine how hard (read, impossible) it would be surrounded by strangers who don’t speak my language? Yes, now is the time.
The chance for my first foray into the unknown came unexpectedly. I was in Chipotle talking with my former boss, and then I started really craving food. So I got a (really big) taco, and normally I would have taken it to go (Lies. Normally, I wouldn’t have bought it at all.) because I was alone – how ridiculous. So I stayed there, and I took care of my expenses and read my book by myself. It was actually kind of fun. I can’t believe I have never eaten alone somewhere before; me-time will be leaving my house on occasion in the near future.
My latest experience was more challenging in that it involved walking into a large group of people (well, only 10) who I’d never met. As a rule, I do not enjoy meeting people because I’m shy, and I never know what to say, but the allure of the knitting circle was too enticing. I recently joined ravelry.com https://www.ravelry.com/account/login (fellow knitters checking it out is a must), and I noticed the knitting groups. I found one in my area that looked low-key and the ladies seemed to be interesting and fun. For two days I waffled about going, especially when the venue changed from the library (safe) and moved to a restaurant/club (out of my comfort zone), but I talked myself into going. I’ll admit when I got there, I thought about going right back home, but instead I went in. And guess what? I had fun. Maybe I didn’t talk a lot, but I spent the whole evening laughing in the company of people who are even crazier about knitting than I am. I plan to go back, but even if I didn’t, I still conquered something tonight.
My recent successes make it easier to approach doing the same thing in Germany. I’m really going to try to try the things I’m given the chance to try while I’m there, so I won’t have any regrets. (Can I get an award for using the word “try” so many times in proximity to itself?) I’ll keep working on it over the summer, but in the event that I panic when I get to Germany, I’ll be able to read this and see that starting to try was really the hardest part.
Deine,
N*
Since my summer has already taken several unexpected turns, and I’m not going to be able to lean on what I know anymore, I decided that the “living” needs to start here...and pronto. I mean, if I feel out-of-practice and a little (lottle) intimidated by trying something new here, then just imagine how hard (read, impossible) it would be surrounded by strangers who don’t speak my language? Yes, now is the time.
The chance for my first foray into the unknown came unexpectedly. I was in Chipotle talking with my former boss, and then I started really craving food. So I got a (really big) taco, and normally I would have taken it to go (Lies. Normally, I wouldn’t have bought it at all.) because I was alone – how ridiculous. So I stayed there, and I took care of my expenses and read my book by myself. It was actually kind of fun. I can’t believe I have never eaten alone somewhere before; me-time will be leaving my house on occasion in the near future.
My latest experience was more challenging in that it involved walking into a large group of people (well, only 10) who I’d never met. As a rule, I do not enjoy meeting people because I’m shy, and I never know what to say, but the allure of the knitting circle was too enticing. I recently joined ravelry.com https://www.ravelry.com/account/login (fellow knitters checking it out is a must), and I noticed the knitting groups. I found one in my area that looked low-key and the ladies seemed to be interesting and fun. For two days I waffled about going, especially when the venue changed from the library (safe) and moved to a restaurant/club (out of my comfort zone), but I talked myself into going. I’ll admit when I got there, I thought about going right back home, but instead I went in. And guess what? I had fun. Maybe I didn’t talk a lot, but I spent the whole evening laughing in the company of people who are even crazier about knitting than I am. I plan to go back, but even if I didn’t, I still conquered something tonight.
My recent successes make it easier to approach doing the same thing in Germany. I’m really going to try to try the things I’m given the chance to try while I’m there, so I won’t have any regrets. (Can I get an award for using the word “try” so many times in proximity to itself?) I’ll keep working on it over the summer, but in the event that I panic when I get to Germany, I’ll be able to read this and see that starting to try was really the hardest part.
Deine,
N*
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
The Real Beginning
In two and a half months I will embark on the next great adventure of my life. I’ll be taking up residence somewhere in the state of Saxony-Anhalt, Germany (hopefully in Dessau...I should find out for sure in the next month or so) to be an English teaching assistant in a Gymnasium (German middle/high school for students who intend to attend a university). Technically, I don’t start until September, but my mental journey began over a year ago, when I started the rigorous application process. I’ve been spending a lot of time preparing myself for a 10-month stint alone in a foreign country ever since I found out for sure I would be going, so I think now is the time to start documenting my experiences.
“Why Germany?” you ask. Well, many reasons. First, it seems to be part of my destiny. I started learning German in 5th grade as a required class. Not only did I fall in love with the language, but I also seemed to have a knack for it, even though no one else in my family speaks German. Many years later, I discovered an important family connection to Germany. My Czech great-grandmother was fluent in five languages and spent time in southern Germany and Austria (or what would become those regions in the present day) as a cook before she immigrated to the U.S. I’ve always been interested in the east European part of my heritage and spending time in Germany and surrounding areas will allow me to understand the cultures from whence I come.
I’ve been to Dessau, Germany twice as a teaching assistant for an elementary school English teacher. After each visit, I’ve felt like my work there wasn’t finished. The people I’ve come to know and care about there are remarkable and have been so willing to accept me into their lives, and being able to continue giving back to these people and keep learning from them is something I need to do. My hope is to share myself and my country with my students; they are so very lucky to have the opportunity to study English so ardently in their schools. It’s so important for students to have an interest in other countries and cultures because understanding why and how people from somewhere else are is the first step to building the acceptance that our world needs.
Of course, my stay in Germany will afford me the opportunity to travel extensively throughout Germany and Europe. I can’t wait. There will probably not be another time in my life where I have so much freedom to explore foreign culture. I’m so lucky to get this chance even once.
Ok. Basta. I promise that not all my musings will be so...well, je ne sais quoi...but it’s just really important to me that people understand why I’m doing this. The next year already means so much more to me than I can put into words. Amazing as it will be, living abroad will probably be the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. My family means a lot to me, and leaving them for another year won’t be easy. Leaving also means giving up the chance to get to know and spend more time with someone who meant a lot to me and has supported me in the mentally massive endeavors of my senior year. I am truly sorry for that, but my path is keeping me from Colorado for now.
I bring this up because I want all of you to know that I will miss you, but I hope you will read what I have to say while I’m gone. Let me share my joys and my struggles with you. I’ll need the connection to everything I know and I’m hoping you all need a piece of Germany in your lives!
Deine,
N*
“Why Germany?” you ask. Well, many reasons. First, it seems to be part of my destiny. I started learning German in 5th grade as a required class. Not only did I fall in love with the language, but I also seemed to have a knack for it, even though no one else in my family speaks German. Many years later, I discovered an important family connection to Germany. My Czech great-grandmother was fluent in five languages and spent time in southern Germany and Austria (or what would become those regions in the present day) as a cook before she immigrated to the U.S. I’ve always been interested in the east European part of my heritage and spending time in Germany and surrounding areas will allow me to understand the cultures from whence I come.
I’ve been to Dessau, Germany twice as a teaching assistant for an elementary school English teacher. After each visit, I’ve felt like my work there wasn’t finished. The people I’ve come to know and care about there are remarkable and have been so willing to accept me into their lives, and being able to continue giving back to these people and keep learning from them is something I need to do. My hope is to share myself and my country with my students; they are so very lucky to have the opportunity to study English so ardently in their schools. It’s so important for students to have an interest in other countries and cultures because understanding why and how people from somewhere else are is the first step to building the acceptance that our world needs.
Of course, my stay in Germany will afford me the opportunity to travel extensively throughout Germany and Europe. I can’t wait. There will probably not be another time in my life where I have so much freedom to explore foreign culture. I’m so lucky to get this chance even once.
Ok. Basta. I promise that not all my musings will be so...well, je ne sais quoi...but it’s just really important to me that people understand why I’m doing this. The next year already means so much more to me than I can put into words. Amazing as it will be, living abroad will probably be the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. My family means a lot to me, and leaving them for another year won’t be easy. Leaving also means giving up the chance to get to know and spend more time with someone who meant a lot to me and has supported me in the mentally massive endeavors of my senior year. I am truly sorry for that, but my path is keeping me from Colorado for now.
I bring this up because I want all of you to know that I will miss you, but I hope you will read what I have to say while I’m gone. Let me share my joys and my struggles with you. I’ll need the connection to everything I know and I’m hoping you all need a piece of Germany in your lives!
Deine,
N*
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