Limbo Land

I’ve been putting off writing for awhile because I’m feeling a little unsettled. The point of the summer has come where I have to focus on the future instead of living in the moment. Ever since college started, I haven’t stayed in one place for more than three months at a time. This constant impermanence in my life has gradually taken a larger toll on me as my desire to be home and to stay in one place has grown. This time, it’s even more difficult because my time away from home will significantly eclipse the amount of time I’ll be at home. I know it’s going to be alright; I never would’ve chosen this if I had doubts about that. It’s just the transition period that gets to me...the waiting.

Up until last week, it was easy for Germany not to seem real because there are so many unknowns. Now that it’s hitting me that I only have a month and a half left at home, the clock has started ticking in my mind. There’s so much that I need to accomplish before I leave, and thinking about leaving my family hurts too much to even contemplate. All I can really do is try to make the most of the time I have now.  The good news is that getting started is the hardest part for me. Instigating and handling change is a personal challenge for me, but at least once I accept that change is inevitable, I do adapt to new situations quickly. Next year has so many exciting possibilities that once it starts, I’ll be open to taking life as it comes.

So, the really great news that brought on these musings: My host teacher, H, thinks she’s found a place for me to live! A colleague of hers has an apartment on a separate floor of her house that she’s looking to rent. I’ll have my own bedroom, kitchen and bathroom, and it’s super-affordable (a quality that is not easy to come by in apartments in Germany). It’s between H’s house and the school where I’ll be working, so getting to either one will be no problem. I also like the idea that I will not be alone in an apartment complex, and that H knows the family also makes me feel comfortable, since she’s someone who I trust. It’s almost too good to be true. Keep your fingers crossed that it all works out!

Deine,
N*